KyleBrowning.com I hack on stuff.

Feeling pretty cathartic lately. Its already February 21st and I feel like nothing has really changed this year. Apart from meeting some amazing people, nothing was really new. I had done a metric ton of traveling last year, went to Amsterdam, Bruxxels, Bruges, London, Paris, Florida, Houston, Vegas(x3), Chicago, most of which were new visits, all of which were amazing. In retrospect I probably could have done so much more traveling, hell, I could have done more while I was traveling.

There is this energy inside of me that always wants to be comfortable and traveling is something I HATE. Visiting countries, seeing the real Mona Lisa painting, seeing a head from Easter Island is all breathtaking but the traveling part sucked royally. Maybe a better way to explain that energy is sometimes my brain/motiviation stops wanting to do things the minute it becomes any kind of real amount of work. Traveling to another country is 15 hours on a plane, AHHH. Oh I have to leave my computer to go eat? Its sad I know, but I immediately put on the brakes and Im like, WHY? Is there a better easier way, is there something else I could do instead? Basically I get turned off from whatever idea that was.


On the other hand when Im having fun, Ill get lost in hours and hours of working on Roothack, playing Starcraft 2, or even going to bars with friends. Eating at nice restaurants, going ice skating, and hell yes I will go sailing. Which made me wonder, What is fun to me, or fun in general? Is it video gaming? Is it completing a project? Is it sitting on top of a roof and looking at the moons of Jupiter, I don't know. I have fun doing all of that. Does that mean I should be a pro-gamer, probably. Should I be an astronomer, fuck yes. But why does Society shove it down our faces that we have to be successful to do what we enjoy. Where is this lack of motivation coming from? What am I doing next?


These were thoughts going through my head recently and I sat down to analyze what goals I actually had for my life and for my future.

I was shocked.

I have already done everything I have ever actually set out to do, and now that I had done all that what the fuck was I working on now? Why did I stop wanting to do things, did I just get old? When I started programming I knew I wanted it to be what I did for the rest of my life. Since parents, school and society were cramming down my throat that you had to be good at shit to actually make money, doing something I loved was only logical. I spent hours and hours teaching myself at 14-15 how to program on Mandrake Linux. I was passionate about it and I felt very blessed to have found that at a young young age. It is one of the reasons I am where I am today. If I pass anything onto my kids(that I don't have yet) it'll be that. Just be passionate and have reason in everything you do.


I also wanted to move to a new State. I wanted to build iPhone apps. I wanted to live in Silicon Valley. I wanted to be known for what I did. All of which I have now done in my eyes.


For some time now though, and I can't pinpoint how far back it goes but, I never really sat down and thought about what I was doing or wanting to do, I was just moving from day to day. I guess that starts happening when everything is so wrapped with emotion. I imagine a lot of people feel this. Try removing negative emotions from the equation it brought real clarity to me.

This naturally led me to the question.

What do I want to do next? Man I don't know. It is a scary thought everything Ive ever really wanted Ive done. I want to goto space, can I make that happen? Jesus I don't know. I don't think I can realistically aim that high when Im attempting come into my real existence haha. I do know some things I can make happen and thats what I plan to do this year, even though its already February(ahhhh). Step by step, I will always aim to improve my vision of the world, and the universe around me. Hopefully I can do that while still interacting with Society.


Heres my list for 2012.

• camp and kayak down the Grand Canyon.
• Goto another Country(any).
• See the Mesoamerican pyramids
• Improve my cooking skills.
• Fly a plane with no instructor.
• Reach my target weight by working out.
• Blog more, instead of status updates to Facebook.